This is going to be a different post than you have ever experienced. I want you to create a new awareness. Read this when you have the space to be present.
First, I want you to ask yourself, "Who do you feel you are deep down inside?" Does that reflect to the outside world? Does that show to your family? To your husband? To your kids? Does it show in your friendships? Does it show in your life’s work? Does it show even in the simplest of experiences by going to the grocery store and interacting with the cashier? Really think about it. Does who you feel inside show or does it feel like she has been gone and you can’t find her?
Now who is this woman?
Is she powerful?
Is she a leader?
Is she a disruptor?
Is she open?
Is she honest?
Is she willing to go deep within herself?
If you answered yes, please do not miss this.
Today, we live in a society where we have been taught to just let it go, to act like it didn’t happen, to just forgive, put it in a box and say something we don’t believe in such as, “I am loved." We are taught as moms that we have to do it all. We become a superwoman overnight! But when you aren’t prepared for motherhood it can wreck havoc on your body and your emotional state. You can lose your identity in it all.
I want to tell you a story. It was spring of 2019 when I started to notice my breasts looked a lot bigger. I had not gotten my period and I was joking to my husband, maybe I am pregnant. I told him to go get the test as a no big deal. No way I am pregnant. Well sure enough the next morning at 6am I found out I was pregnant. It was painful. Now everyone’s story of becoming a mom is different and I want you to know your story is validated in my space. Whether you tried for years, whether you got unexpectedly pregnant, whether you were so excited to be a mom and it wasn’t what you thought. It’s all validated. It’s all important. I was not ready to be a mom. I had no foundation to stand on or at least that’s what I thought.
The journey to becoming a mom was painful with no real support and the belief of my grandma about to die. I couldn’t bare to tell my mom. So I kept quiet for weeks and sat in pain for weeks on end.
Let's do an exercise. I want you to think about how you got pregnant. What was your support like? Did you feel prepared? Do you feel like society prepares us for having a baby and what it takes to raise them?
Fast forward my son was born and it wasn’t a typical experience you see on the internet. I didn't feel like it was the “best day of my life.” I literally felt this pain in my body I couldn’t describe and it wasn’t a physical pain from birth. It was different. My husband was numb, no emotion. He literally said, “They expect me to take this thing home and keep it alive." I was in pain and pissed. I felt like this child had come in and taken over my life. I hated it and quite frankly I despised him. He took away my old life, that’s what it felt like. But what I didn’t know is what would happen next?
Because of what I know and the work I do, I started to work through it. Why did I feel this way? What was coming up for me? Why was I so resentful towards this baby and in that moment I realized I had a tool and a method that I was meant to share with not just men and women but moms and moms to be. I let go of my resentment, I let go of my pain, I truly let go and I created a bond with my son that I didn’t even know was possible. But how does this relate to you?
We live in a world where we physically and materially prepare for motherhood. We get the best car seat, the best crib, design the most beautiful room, get the best clothes, take the best pictures, we even make sure we have the best doctors and while all this is so important we are forgetting something. We forget to emotionally prepare. What does that mean? It means to work on yourself before you bring a baby into the world. To work on your biggest triggers before you add another life into your space. To have a tool that you can pull at any moment to work on you when your child is going through something that triggers you. See we live in a world where we think it’s our child that has the issues but really it’s us bringing that on to our children. It is your job to work on you. It’s the greatest gift you can give to your child. Now as much as those other things are important, I can’t express enough how important it is to work through your own painful experiences because that’s where they show up again, in your children.
So I want you to ask yourself, what was your childhood like? What did your parents do to bring you into the world?
Now ask yourself, what have you done to bring your child into the world? And if you already are in the thick of it, it’s never too late to start over and create what you feel deep down inside.
Feel free to reach out to me if you want to have a deep understanding. I truly see you.
Danielle Smason is a wife, mama to her two boys and of course, you can’t forget her pup Winnie. She is here for the underdog and the woman that has never felt seen and has felt misunderstood. Danielle creates the ultimate human experience. She has walked through her own experiences of health struggles; emotional, mental and physical and has worked with 100’s of individuals through her own method called, Moment to Moment, and now is here to help save a million lives through her work.